33. You, Who Show the Way

staring at the dark sky as sariyah rolled

fighting tears

a strong, deep hysterical cry

where are my parents?

dad. daddy why cant you understand? why cant you hear me?

why has it felt that you've never listened

why does it feel

youve always treated me with deep trust

raven got it

you are there when i need you

from young, i understood there was only so much i could need you for

that youre capable of giving

- and so i love you

mom.

you.

peggy.

whats come to feel like a dirty word in my life

the dark beast

waiting for a chance to bite

to scar

to peel a scab back and spit salt in its wound

so that maybe in its hurt, id find you

id find we

rumi has confirmed

yes, i was lost. felt it from youth.

clear now -

id never find we

and now i relinquish all quests to understand instead

i am freed

i write this at 7:32p

after pulling card 33 "you, who show the way"

in the car, in mental conversation with my parents

at 6:50p

i wrote on a notes app, for the first time in years

I’ve known .. I’m in a pattern. I’m living with my mom.

At 25, I am living with an older white woman who asserts her dominion. Dismissing me to do so.

I’ve felt.

I’ve known.

I know

And Raven. Ravey. Baby Ray,

Let us pray this is the last time we hold on to a relationship that is not overwhelmingly, lovingly serving us. Let us release the desire to make sense of others wrong doings or questionable actions. Raven, I pray we move forward relinquished of those desires to find approval from those that do not love us. Raven, together we move forward together - stronger. Comfortable. Safe. Secure. Within. Raven I am confident in you to lead us. To guide us. To find higher, brighter, warmer, respectful, loving spaces that will nourish this new bloom of a woman I am.

I am financially wealthy and abundantly so. I am a hard worker, with great skills that enable me to work in any space I desire. I am safe to make unknown decisions. I am secure in self and

aligned with my random shroom reflection

both dual thoughts swirling around in my mind

calling me to pull an oracle card - 33 "you, who show the way" (waves as the art)

the logical mind runs away from drowning. Lovers accept drowning in the sea as their destiny - suicide was a prevalent thought today. ive lived such a beautiful life and know i will continue to have the ability to do so. but i felt tired of feeling so soulo. listless in the sea without anchors. laying in the sand, i vowed to devote my life outside of self as a healer. on a shrooms high and in reflection, I decided my next life chapter.

and then hours later, I pulled this card

You show the way: you, who inspire through how you choose to live and be; you, who someimes think yourself to be invisible; you, who consider yourself to be of no particular or exceptional worth.

Yes, you - you, who through your choice to liove your truth, reveal my face, demonstrate my love, embody my presence, heal my beloveds and love my creation.

This oracle comes to you with a special message. You are an inspiration.

You are helping those around you and even many og whom you are unaware. You are doing this because this is your path, this is your way, this is your gift - to live a life dedicated to the growth of consiuosness and, through your dedication, inspire others to recieve the loving consiouness of the Great Beloved ...

You are not doing this thorugh any effort or will. You are doing this because this is your nature, your being, your way. Just as the sun breaks through darkness with its own light, shining light with its presence by simply being, so too does your inner sun, your soul

An acknolwedgement of who and what you are, given freely because you are ready to recueve such an acknowledgement

I was ready.

I wrote but an hour before in reflection,

that I was ready

a new bloom

waiting for new Waters

everything i am

everything i wish to be

i am

i am love

i am sun

i am healing

i am inspiring

i am movement

i am yogi

i am stillness

i am loved

i am ready

i am affirmed

i am welcoming

i am excited

i am excited.

i am

EXCITED

FOR ALL THERE IS TO COME!

THANK YOU RAVEY

THANK YOU GOD

WE LOVE YOU

we are you.