before i let go, kennedy ryan

I wonder if I'll always look for you ...

but i know i will

i left

i ran

in the dark where i could not see

nor breathe

i ran away.

i'm now confident that I had to

sitting here two years later... I ran back to me

not the same me

but the girl

the girl in the sun

with her book and her pen

with the light and the love

the giggles and joy

she has come to play

to take up space.

sometimes

she misses her playmate

that would giggle cry over oranges

and walk to the pond

or play in the snow

and tennis in the sun

sometimes i can feel you

feel you feeling me

that massages the longing

exercises my faith

..

to love and to be loved

is truly miraculous

I feel divine

and i know that to be true

to have experienced my own miracle

.

thank you

this is my favorite life

-----------------------

i'm jealous they were tied by children

by business

by reason to continue finding partnership

i'm jealous they had reminders

small and big interactions to muster old feelings

new feelings

new desires

i'm jealous she did the work

she became a yogi

found like-minded girlfriends

had children to remind her

she had community

i'm jealous they had a story

found their way back

developed new language

cultivated new ears

that they had reasons to remind them

their love is divine

fragile

miraculous

i'm jealous